I have been trying to do this fitness thing by myself and it has caused nothing but injury and lack of healing from that injury. You see, I wanted to do it my way. Now I am going to give in and let Christ heal the injury and do it HIS way. It may take longer than I want but me not listening to the people He has put in my path over the last two yearsvhas already caused this journey to be far harder than it needs to be.
About two years ago I was doing things on my own... kind of like til yesterday. I'm really TRYING to give Him the control. After all, He has it whether I calmly lay down my cares or hang on to my own yoke and make it heavy. I wanted to be a certain weight and I was close; so what did I do to get off those last few pounds? I began to starve myself.
Well, shortly thereafter, I ended up in the hospital being treated for an eating disorder. I was then put on a medication that would cause me to have a ravenous appetite. God's perfect solution for someone who refuses to eat!
In the next year I put on about 60 pounds. In ONE year!! So after about a year on that medication I decided to take things into my own hands. People told me I had an orgainc problem and needed the meds but I would not listen. I took myself off of the medication and slowly lapsed into a huge depression. Several weeks later I attempted to take my life.
A couple of weeks after the attempt, thanks to talking to a pastor, who said I was not in habitual sin and this was an orgainc problem, I went back on the medication. Unfortunately, it's the only one I've ever found to work, so it was basically a no brainer... once I realized it didn't mean there was something wrong with my faith that caused me to need medication. God gives us medications, including medications for bipolar illness, because some of us really do have a chemical imbalance. I know this is controversial, but if you yourself have not experienced a mental illness, please don't judge me or those who have.
Going back on the medication was a difficult decision. However, it was also easy. Fat or dead? Those were the choices at the time.
A few months after being back on the medication I was fortunate to be put on two appetite suppressants, that allowed me a normal appetite. With those two medications and with exercise I was able to start losing weight.
However, God intervened when I got a big head, and brought on the need for Physical Therapy. For a few months I resisted the adivice of my Therapist and continued to do an exercise program called Turbo Fire as well as to lift weights that continued to keep my tenditnitis irritated. I was told yesterday, that if I would let it heal, the tenditnitis would be a thing of the past. So finally I have given in.
Another blessing is that God has currently allowed me to be on a lower dose of the bipolar medication and I no longer need the appetite suppressants, so keeping the weight off should be easier.
On this blog I intend to share with you how I am losing weight. The programs I am doing, the 5k I am looking to run in October. How the training is going for the 5k. I plan to share my fitness journey with you. However, remember, and I need to remember, if I don't follow Christ's leading I will not get to my goal.... or I will end up back in the hospital with an eating disorder.
Remember, Christ and I Together. He can join you on your journey too, if you want Him to. If you are curious about how, email me at mel@rentapen.com.
